Sunshine and Silence

It has been several days of gloomy weather with rain and a wintery mix. Leaving things dull and dreary. This morning I was surprised to wake up to a beautiful blanket of fresh fallen snow glimmering in the early morning light. As I sat working this afternoon I caught a glimpse of what seemed to be sunshine. So I got up and looked out the front window and sure enough there was the sun in all its bright shining beauty. I quickly made a cup of tea and bundled up. Heading out onto the front porch, I pulled up my metal milk bin, brushed off the snow and sat down facing the sun. Closing my eyes I basked in the light shimmering on my face, the warmth seeping into my skin, offering a healing moment.

As I sat there in the stillness I started to notice the things I often miss. Sounds of creation swirling all around me. I thought about how often we don’t slow down to notice the world around us. We pack our schedules so full that we are left exhausted, worn thin and on edge ready to break. For many of us I think we pack our schedules so full to keep up with those around us because that is what the world says makes us successful adults.  Maybe, we also do this so that we don’t have to feel. Who wants to deal with the thoughts that swarm our heads and our hearts? However, what if we took time each day to slow down and just listen. Quietly spending some time with God out in creation. Knowing that he isn’t expecting anything from us and simply letting him love us in return? How would that change our days and how we go about things?

The sun continued to shine in and out of the clouds, so I took a deep breath and just listened. What I heard was a beautiful symphony of a winter afternoon. The tree branches rubbing together, while the few leaves left rustled in the light breeze. I heard in the distance the waves of Lake Michigan crashing madly against the lake shore. The gentle scraping of a snow shovel and cars splashing in the puddles as they drove along.  All of this melted together as the sun made the snow twinkle all around me.

As we get ready to head into a new year I want to encourage you to slow down and listen. Take time out to sit in silence and let God speak to your heart. We were never meant to go go go all the time. We were created to rest and rebuild. Let’s take time to enjoy this beautiful (sometimes messy) life! Stop and bask in the sunshine!

Embracing The Messy In The Season You Are In

This past Saturday we had a family movie night. We got up in the morning and ran some errands, ordered take-out for lunch, and took down the Christmas tree. Then we sat down for an evening of binge-watching movies. After the first two movies my husband pulled a few out that we had not watched in a while. Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty. Now as cheesy as these movies are, I really enjoy them. However, that night they struck me differently. Let me share why.

2020 was a year like no other for all of us. I don’t know anyone who came out of it unscathed in some way. It was a year that we re-evaluated what truly mattered and got us contemplating what we really want in this life. While we are now in a new year the uncertainty and questions from last year still loom. As a family, this hangs in the air for us too.

So, while I watched the main characters in these two movies unfold, I saw pieces of me. Bruce thought that once he got the anchor position that everything would be perfect, that life would all fall into place but when things don’t work out the way he planned he crumbles. He is so hyper focused on his plans that he is missing out on what truly matters. It isn’t until God gives him his powers for a few days that he realizes what really matters and what he wants. For Evan he seems to think he has everything that brings happiness. The new job with a big paycheck, a fancy new car, a large house, and a family to boot. However, he is so wrapped up in this new life that he starts to forget what really matters God and his family. His world gets turned upside down when God asks him to be obedient and do his will. Not what the world wants but what God wants.

Both characters looked good on the outside but had a whole lot of messy going on. While I realize both movies are fiction it brought a lot to mind for me. As God talked to these two men, I was reminded just how much God loves each of us. How he just wants to have a relationship with us and wants us to use the gifts and talents he has given us.

Let’s be honest though that is hard even under normal circumstances but especially difficult in the messy. As I contemplated this, I felt God pressing a few things on my heart. What if we let God use us exactly where we are, right in our Messy and Brokenness? What if while we are asking him to heal us, we also ask him to use us to Glorify him? What if each day we just focus on loving others really well, all while picking up our crosses?

So, as we finish up this first month of 2021 let’s pick up our crosses and let God use us right where we are. Allowing him in our messy so that we can help others through theirs. Embracing all that life has to offer and focusing on all God has to offer us. So slow down and see that there is so much beauty in the messy.

Living Intentional

Just a few months ago I was sitting in a very comfy chair in my counselor’s office crying about how overwhelmed and lost I felt. Lost because at 41 I thought I knew what God wanted for my life but feeling stuck on how to make it all happen. Overwhelmed because I was working a job that had me commuting two hours on the road everyday, I didn’t love it. Did I mention it was keeping me from the people I love and all the things I love to do. Crying because somewhere along the line I had stuffed emotions and feelings of grief for far too long and they were surfacing fast and furious.

As I blubbered on she kindly handed me the box of tissues and asked me one very important question…….What does living intentional look like for me? Now if you know me this is my motto, part of who I am, part of what I encourage other people to think about. I am all about living life intentionally and running the race that God has set before us. However, somewhere along the line I went on auto-pilot. I got lost and started just simply trying to get through the days.

She encouraged me to think about this over the next few weeks till I met with her again. So I went home and started working on my assignment. Here is just a glimpse of a few of the things I wrote:

·      Unplugging

·      Not being stressed every time my phone dings (this stems from a very stressful job I had)

·      Being adventurous again (yes I have been bungee jumping and you should see the list I have now of things I want to tackle)

·      Not living in fear (yup grief can create a monster)

·      More time outdoors camping, hiking, kayaking, supping, running, hammocking, etc

·      Running more races and tackling trail running

·      Watching more sunsets

·      Campfires with family and friends

·      Star gazing

·      Exploring

·      Sand between my toes whenever possible

·      Serving family, friends and my community (add in some farm to table meals)

·      Laughing more

·      Loving others well

·      Living well and helping others live well

·      Drinking good tea and coffee

·      Reading

·      Playing games

·      Being creative

·      Doing God’s will

·      Rocking in a rocking chair on my front porch

My list filled a page and then I stopped. Not because I ran out of things but because I was seeing the whole point of the exercise. I was longing for simplicity, for life to slow back down, to literally live with intention. To live my life exactly how God wanted me too.

Let’s fast forward to now.  Right before everything with Covid-19 happened I went back to my counselor and read her my list. We started talking about how to make these things happen in my life again and how to start doing them a few at a time. How to chase after my dreams again and to live intentionally.

Due to Covid-19 I have been laid off from my job for a month now. I am not even sure that I will have a job when this is all said and done. While it has been an adjustment to be out of work, to have my husband go from full time to on-call status and to be suddenly homeschooling our youngest child, it has been an amazing blessing. Here is why I say that.

I had been desperately longing for simplicity, for a chance to slow down and live with intention again. To chase after the dreams that God has longingly placed on my heart. My prayers had been answered in a way I didn’t expect. God has given my the opportunity of time. Time to love on my family, to laugh, play games and enter into ridiculously silly antics online with some of my favorite small businesses (can we say sleeping bag twister and battle rope jump roping). This last month has given me a chance to be outside every single day! You guys seriously this is sooo good for my soul! Even in the snow and rain I have ventured out to breathe fresh air into my lungs. I have been able to encourage family, friends and people I barely know and this makes my heart sing.

This last month has given me a chance to dig into being closer with God and to focus on what really matters. It has allowed me to start chasing after the dreams that God has placed on my heart over the years. I don’t know what the future is going to hold but I am fully looking forward to embracing whatever God has in store next with total intention. Won’t you join me in this new season?

Blessings, Hugs and Love,

Michelle

20 Days Down 20 To Go

20 days into my 40 day journey. It has been a crazy hard good journey so far. Some of the last 20 days have been easy, other parts of it have had me kicking and screaming my way through.

If you know me you know that I try really hard to take care of myself. However, I have one major addiction…..POTATO CHIPS!! Seriously the salty fried goodness makes me happy. They are my go to snack or should I say they were. Yes, that’s right! I have not had a potato chip in 20 days! God asked me to let them go. It helped that I had a stomach bug right before and the thought of grease made me queasy. But seriously you guys no potato chips. I know what you might be thinking. Well sure you haven’t had those chips but I bet you have had tortilla chips. Nope! I can’t have corn so those are out too. Now I need to be transparent here. I have had black bean tortilla chips……let’s just say I throw a few on my salad if I need a crunch but that’s it. Trust me when I say that I could walk away from those.

God truly has been digging into my heart when it comes to my eating. Why I am eating? Is it because I really am hungry or because I am stressed or upset. He has been having me clean up my food. He just asked me to give up sugar this week. I am not a sweets person but I love my dark chocolate. Yesterday the dark chocolate chips went into the garbage! Gasp! Rather than running to the chocolate to deal with my stress and sadness, I am going to take it to God instead. I will keep you posted on how this goes. Again, transparency, I ate a pocket coffee today. Ok I ate two! But grace lots of grace!

Shopping…….yes I like to shop. We have a budget that we really try and stick to. We are trying to get debt free so living by our budget is important to us. However, God put me on a spending freeze in January unless it was a necessity. Wow!! Just wow! I had no idea that I was spending more that we had budgeted. It was always just smaller purchases but they added up. Not spending last month was a big eye opener. It was another way I was stuffing my feelings. Trying to heal myself through things. FYI it wasn’t working. It was always just a temporary good feeling followed by remorse.

Social Media…..Ugh! Need I say more. I am still working on this one. I know I spend to much time on it. I have been doing better and really when I am not on it I feel better. The comparison trap eases.

So here’s the thing. God is sowing me so many things through this 40 days. It is not easy but I am drawing closer to him. Allowing him to get into the painful places in my heart. To clean it out so that I can run my race! Stay tuned…..20 more days to go! Not only will 20 days bring the close to this 40 day journey that God has me on, it will also signal the start of the Disney Princess Half Marathon weekend where I will be running the 5K and the 10K with an amazing team. So here is to running the races that God has set before us!

Blessings,

Michelle

Forty Days!

40 days! That’s right 40 days until I run the Disney Princess 10K as a part of Team Lemon! I am not sure where the time has gone but the race is fast approaching. If I am honest this has been a tough race preparation season. Injuries and illness have plagued me almost from the beginning. If I am honest I am still not 100%. My right foot is still healing from the micro tears in my fascia and I am not physically back to where I was a few months ago before my injury.

The other day as I was doing my devotions I felt God calling me to really reflect. I felt that over these next forty days he wants to dig in and clean out the garbage I have been holding in. While I have been struggling physically, I have also been struggling emotionally/spiritually. I noticed this when I felt feelings of comparison cropping up. Then there were the moments when I was passing judgement on others when really I needed to be looking inside myself.

All of us have these moments, but I have been having them a lot lately and this is not like me. So for the next forty days as I finishing preparing to run my physical race, I am going to allow God to bring my heart back in line so I can run the race he has set before me. I am going to be intentional about spending more quiet time with God. Allowing him to purge the things that are holding me back. I am going to make sure that I am making my days count, spending quality time with family and friends, really focusing on this life I have been given to live.

I know that this is not going to be an easy forty days. If you look at all the references in the bible to forty days non of them were easy. However, I know that when the forty days are up and I get to run my race it will be all worth it! I will be a new creation once again ready to step out and be Brave in whatever God calls me into next.

Blessings,

Michelle

Last Day Of My 39th Year

On the eve of my 40th birthday I have been thinking about this past decade of my life. It has been filled with many blessings along with heart ache and loss. It’s funny to look back on a decade and see how it has molded and shaped you, what God has tried to teach you and show you. None of it was easy but all very necessary to help me run my race. I don’t remember all of it and that probably is not a bad thing.

This last decade has been full of celebrations. Milestone birthdays for my children and my husband. My daughters both graduating high school, my husband and I both graduating from college and my son defying all the doctors odds.

There have been two amazing trips to Disney world, fun day trips all over our beautiful state and lots of long weekends camping and playing on the dunes with our jeeps.

A jeep trip down south that went from good to bad, turned into a diagnosis for my husband that ultimately saved his life. (Can we say rare crazy insulin producing tumor that tried to end his life but God put the right rural doctor in our path to save him). Family and amazing friends that stood by us, cared for us and prayed for us when we didn’t even know what we needed.

Grief reared it’s ugly head in the form of loosing seven loved ones in four short years. From my dad to my best friend in the matter of three months, to several other family members. It was a time that rocked my world and left me questioning everything.

In just the last year we sold our house and made a move that we never saw coming but that has been one of the greatest blessings for our family. Small town life has allowed us to breath again and remember what truly matters in this life.

The past decade found me on a mountain for a week of breaking down barriers and showing me a glimpse of what my calling and gifts really are. That time has sent me on a journey of healing and helping other women run their race. It has allowed me to teach at women’s events and have the pure joy of teaching at a women’s retreat. It has taught me to go by faith and God will guide me in the rest.

So much more has gone on in this decade, to much to list. Here’s the thing….I am not sad to see this decade come to and end. It has been messy and amazing. It has molded me into the person I am today. I can not wait to see what 40 brings! To see all this next decade has to offer and all that God has instore. I know that there will be times that it will be messy, but that is part of the beauty in life. To have messy and good, to have laughter and tears, to embrace each day as it comes. So on the last day of my 39th year I encourage you to embrace where ever life has your right now. Run your race and enjoy every moment good and bad. You never know how God is going to use it!

Hugs and love, Michelle

Why I Run

Awhile back I wrote about how I felt God calling me to run. I didn't want to but felt led to out of obedience. Well several months later I am still running. To date I have completed four virtual 5k's and one virtual one mile race. I don't tell you this for kudos or cheers. I want to share my why with you. What stared out as simple obedience has turned into so much more.

I run because I felt God calling me to. I run because I want to set a good example for my children. I want them to know that taking care of this one body that God has given us is so important. Without this body we can't run the race he has laid before us. I run so that my husband has a healthy wife. I run for those that can no longer move their bodies they way they wish they could. I run because once I get going I feel good. My body gets into a rhythm of hitting the pavement one foot at a time and I feel free.

If I am honest I run partly out of fear. Fear of getting sick like my dad did. While he was always a hard worker and wonderful father I was just ten years old when my father started his journey with heart disease. So out of fear I run. While I know that trusting God with all things is what we are supposed to do. I am just speaking my heart.

I run for you! I run so that you know that no matter where you are in this life, what your story is or where you are on this health journey, it is never to late to run your race! God can use you where ever you are and in any circumstance! So know that while running may not be your things that is OK! Moving and getting healthy and whole to run your race can start right now!

So today let's run this race God has laid before us! 

Hugs and love,

Michelle

Fear is a Liar

Lately fear has been rearing it’s ugly head at me. Maybe it’s because I have been tired. Maybe it’s because work has been a bit stressful. Whatever the cause it has decided to come at me with a vengeance. My brain has been in overdrive with fear. Let’s take a small glance into Michelle’s fears lately shall we?!

I have had a fear of forgetting to turn off the burners on the stove and burning the house down. This has caused me to check the burners two or three times before I leave the house just to be sure. I have had a fear of something happening to members of my family (I know I don’t have any control over this yet I am fearful). I have had a fear of not meeting deadlines and getting fired (seriously I have a great boss and I am generally on top of things). I have had a fear of my indoor cat escaping outside and us never being able to find him (mind you in the 8 years we have had him I think he has only tried to escape twice). I have a fear of missing out on things I want to do and adventures I want to go on, yet I find myself sidelined because some of these things scare me! Can any of you relate?

Ok so let’s get real here……I can not control any of these things! Being fearful only robs me of joy and happiness! I was talking to my husband about this the other night. I was talking about my dreams for this wellness/fitness ministry and how I get scared so I slam on the breaks. As we talked he said something that stuck with me. He said as we get older we think things through more, analize things, figure out the consequences and decide not to take the leap, even if it’s what we are called to do. We hold back in fear.

I think this is so true. While I am much wiser and have looked back on some of the stupid things I did when I was younger, I also did some amazing things because I didn’t allow fear to grip me. My children remind me all the time of how not to let fear stop them. My daughter who went through lifeguard training and even though it was tough dug in and is now a certified lifeguard. My son who tried different events in track and field day just because he wanted to “challenge himself” and goodness he did. He kept working at high jump until he cleared the bar (he is only 5 foot tall).

Today Exodus 14:14 kept coming up in several things I saw and read. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. I think we often forget this. I know I do. When fear creeps in we need to remember that God has got this, that he is fighting for us we just need to be still in trust in him.

So today I ask you what is holding you back from running your race? What fear do you need to let go of and lay down at the feet of Jesus? This isn’t any easy thing but something that will give us so much freedom in the long run.

Today I lay down my fears! I am letting them go and trusting in God to care for us. I am going to run the race he has set before me. This isn’t going to be easy but it will be so worth it. Today I am going to let go of the fears and as Carrie Wisehardt would say “Choose Joy”!

I’m praying for you! Hugs and Love,

Michelle

The Scale

Ok so lets be real. I hate the scale! A few weeks ago I started doing the couch to 5k program. Not because I wanted to but because I felt God calling me to. I am not a runner but for the last four weeks now I have been obediently running the recommended 3 running workouts and just for extra fun run 1-2 more free runs each week (seriously it is not fun for me at all, I question myself why). 

I generally take a mid week break from running and today was my lucky day. No run for me! YAY! So I got up and around and decided to do some free weights. However, before this I made the dreaded mistake of getting on the scale. Now I figured after 4 weeks of running and eating pretty healthy the number would totally reflect my effort. IT DID NOT! What it said to me was that after 4 weeks I only lost a little over a pound. The scale was screaming at me that after logging a whopping 27.8 miles, 7 hrs 45 mins and 12 secs I was still no lighter than when I started. The scale was telling me I was failing.

All day it bothered me. I talk about getting healthy and whole from the inside out all them time. I know that this is what truly matters. That it is where our hearts are and that being healthy is so much more than the scale, but I was not listening to any of this today. All I heard was blah blah blah your are not loosing weight. Today I sulked! Through my strength training workout I stewed about the scale. When seeing my Doctor today I complained and sulked. Talk about a pitty party, yup that was me.

But here is the thing. It really isn't about the scale. I have battled with the scale ever since I was 15 yrs old and my 5'1" body weighed 105pds. I was a dancer, I was small and full of muscle. I looked healthy but I wasn't. Sure the scale said I was healthy but let's talk about the french fries with ranch dressing I would eat for lunch and the candy bar I would eat for a snack. Oh and don't forget that I would consume on average 3 cans of pop a day! (For the record not all dancers eat this way). As long as the number looked good I was happy. Who cared what I was eating.

Here's the thing, satan will use the scale to lie to you. He will take the number and distort it in your mind. He will tell you that the number is what matters and that if it's not moving down then you might as well give up. Satan is a LAIR! He wants you to believe that the number on the scale is the only one that matters but that is only a tiny piece of your health journey.

As I was lamenting to God about this tonight with tears streaming down my face, God gently reminded me it's not about the scale. He reminded me that the number is not what matters, what matters is that I am getting stronger to run his race. I am letting go of past hurts that have caused me to have unhealthy eating habits. He reminded me that when the doctor did blood work that only a few minor things were a little off but that I am healthy. God reminded me to celebrate the victories (27.8 miles in four weeks is a HUGE accomplishment for me).

So I don't know where you are at tonight. Whether you are considering getting healthy or are all in, I want to remind you that it is not about the number on that scale. It is about getting healthy and whole in Jesus. It is about taking care of ourselves so that we can run our race and be who God created us to be. Are we going to stumble along the way? Absolutely. Shoot we may even fall down a few times, but don't give up! You matter, your health matters! When the scale doesn't move, take time to thank God for the ability to move your body. Thank him for this life and ask him to guide you through. You've got this! We are in this together!

Hugs,

Michelle

The "Weight" Of It All

The other night I couldn't sleep. It had been a busy week and I was just feeling a bit restless. Everyone else in the house was already in a nice REM cycle and I sat in my chair listening to the cat snore (as I write this he is sitting on the back of my chair snoring again. Seriously). My body was hollering at me that it was done for the day by my mind fought back. If I am honest I was feeling frustrated with myself.

I decided to catch up on my Lenten devo. I had been listening to one that I had gotten behind in and I thought maybe that would help get me reconnected with God and maybe get some answers to why my restlessness and anxiety. That's when the title to this post came about. The title for that day was called What's your thing? It was discussing the various things that people give up for lent. I have done this over the years but this year I felt God calling me to just dig deeper into him. As I listened to the devo I felt more anxiety rise up because it started talking about things that we have failed at. 

I don't like talking about failure because I feel like I fail all the time! It is one of my insecurities that goes right along with not feeling good enough. I would much rather stuff these feelings and just make them go away. However, God had other plans for me with this particular devo.

One of the challenges was to list a time you had failed and how it made you feel. So I got out my pen and paper and started writing. What I realized was that there was not one big event that I felt I failed at but several little events that weighed heavy on my heart. They were the day to day things that maybe I had forgotten to do and that had upset someone temporarily. There were other things I listed but as I wrote things down I realized that these things were "weighing" me down. I was harboring so much emotional "weight" that this was stopping me from being the best me that I can be.

I talk all the time that if we want to be healthy and whole we have to dig into what's going on with our heart. I think this goes for our minds as well. What we think can hurt us just as much as not taking care of our bodies physically. While I was blaming my frustration on my physical body, God showed me that what was going on inside of me emotionally was truly "weighing" me down.

This week I encourage you to dig in and let go of the things that you feel you have failed at. Allow God to use the things that you have failed at to transform you. Allow him to get in and clean out the clutter inside so that you can be healthy and whole. I am a work in progress. God working things out in me will be an ongoing process but I am looking forward to letting the "weight" go!

Hugs,

Michele

You want me to do what??!!

The sun was shinning and it was unseasonably warm a few weeks ago. The snow had all but melted away. It was a gorgeous Saturday morning to say the least. I had been feeling a bit restless and anxious but couldn't really pinpoint why. Nothing was really going on out of the ordinary but I just couldn't shake the feeling. My prayers lately had been that God would launch the ministry he had laid on my heart. I so badly wanted to run the race he had set before me. I wanted to help women become who they were created to be. I knew God was working all this out but I wanted it to take off now!

As I was cleaning up the kitchen I had this crazy urge to look up 5k apps. While you wouldn't think this would be odd for a fitness teacher.....this girl has not run since high school. Seriously my body says ummm NO! Even when I ran in high school let's be real.....I was terrible at it. I only ran because it was fun to hang out with everyone on the track team. The only event I was even kind of good at was the 330 hurdles (who knew this short girl could jump). 

I found a couch to 5k app and downloaded it. The next thing I knew I was giving my hubby a kiss and out the door I went. The peppy little trainer's voice coached me on let's jog, time for a brisk walk. Before I knew it my workout was done and I was home. I felt pretty good and the jogging hadn't left me curled up in a ball gasping for breath, so I figured that was a win. What I couldn't figure out was why I all of a sudden wanted to run. Sure I had toyed around with running a few fun 5k's before I turn 40 but those were just thoughts.

Over the course of the next few runs I prayed. God why am I doing this? I don't like running. I do not enjoy getting up early to listen to the peppy voice in the app telling me it was time to jog again. Frankly she kind of annoyed me to the point I wanted to throw the phone in the lake. On run four I finally felt like I was getting an answer. Obedience. God was simply asking me to be obedient. I thought I had been being obedient but I realized in reality I really hadn't. The weeks leading up to downloading the app had me barely working out and my eating had become less than good. I had been really busy with my regular job and had not been giving the ministry a whole lot of thought. 

You see God was asking me to be obedient in this small thing so that he can prepare me to be able to run the race he has laid out before me. I can't run my race if I am not taking care of myself. I can't help women get healthy and whole if I am not taking care of this body he has given me. 

So while I still can't stand running, I can say that today I completed week two of the couch to 5k. While I did not want to get out of bed and run in the snow, I did it anyway. So today I challenge you to take the leap and ask God what he is calling you to do? What is he asking you to do in obedience? While it may not be easy, I promise you walking in obedience will be worth it in the long run. 

Hugs, Michelle

P.S. I changed the apps peppy voice trainer to the drill sergeants voice......I no longer want to throw the phone while I am running! :)

Finding Hope In Difficult Circumstances

I wrote this when my father was in the hospital the summer of 2014 for 3 months. While he passed away in the hospital, he taught me so much about love, faith and hope. My wish for you is that this post will bring you a sense of Hope if you are struggling, have a sick loved one, or just need to know that God is always there. I can't promise you that life is always going to be easy, but you can always find something to hold onto Hope for! Hugs! Michelle

Flip flop flip flop, my sandals echo off the walls as I walk down the quiet sterile hallway. It’s the weekend so there aren’t many people in the hospital today. As I make my way through the maze of hallways and go from one building to the next I realize he wasn’t supposed to be here this long. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, dad wasn’t supposed to be so sick.

But it is this way and he is that sick. It’s a fungus they said, 3-5 days they said. What they said was wrong. They didn’t know how bad it was, that the fungus (this nasty slimy histoplasmosis) has attached itself to his aortic valve. The medicine can’t kill it. Surgery must ensue or there is no hope.

Hope……as I continue on to his room I ponder this word hope. Is there really any hope in this situation? Hope seems so far off and yet…..it’s there. Seeming out of reach but it’s there. I see it as I walk into his room. His eyes light up and you see the hope that seems so far away. He grasps at it and holds to it so tightly. 

He dozes on and off. I see the rosary on the bedside table, laying there shimmering as the light hits it’s precious gems. Waiting, almost begging to be used. The cross is hanging from a makeshift hanger made out of surgical tube crafted by mom so that he can see it from his bed. It’s hanging on the bulletin board reminding us he’s there.

That’s right, in the middle of the beeping, the buzzing of machines, the talking in the hallway, he’s there. Jesus is there. The Lord almighty is there. He’s the one offering the Hope that seems so out of reach. The hope that seems to be elusive. Yet it’s not.

God is there in the midst of dad’s pain and ours. He is there and he understands. He’s there on the cross hanging from the patient’s neck who tried to take his own life but God showed him hope. Hope that four letter word that isn’t really that elusive. We just have to look to him to see it.

In Romans 5:4 God tells us “The strength to go on produces character. Character produces Hope”. I see this in him as he dozes. This man with amazing character who sleeps in his chair  and who’s strength is diminishing, but who has hope.

You see, God want’s us all to have hope. He is right there providing it for us if we take the time to truly see. It’s right there in front of us. We may not feel it right away but he is asking us no begging us to open our eyes and see.

Because Hope comes from the smile on the nurses face as she takes vitals, the delight that comes from a meatball sub, a hug from a perfect stranger, the medicine that drips ever so slowly through plastic tubing into the veins, and it comes from our Savior hanging on the cross that says just have Hope.

Blessings,

Michelle

Healing Starts With The Heart

 

Each day the world bombards us with the latest ways to get healthy. It may be a new exercise craze that guarantees you will have ripped abs if you just follow these videos or a pill that will make you shed those extra pounds without having to change anything in your lifestyle. While all of this sounds wonderful and can work, the question is will it last?

We know that diet and exercise will help us shed the pounds. If we eat right and workout we will get healthy. Many studies have proven this……..but there is more to getting healthy. I believe True Healing Starts With The Heart!

On a chilly January evening in 2011, a large room tucked in the woods was filled with people. People of every shape, size, and color; all there to celebrate an amazing man’s accomplishments throughout his career. Hiding out in the kids area with her son was a woman who was embarrassed with how she looked. She was there to celebrate her wonderful father’s retirement but was so forlorn with how she looked, that everyone was seeing her again after years of watching her grow up, seeing her extremely heavy and unhealthy. The spandex didn’t hide her shame, didn’t hide the pain she felt. The pain of her son’s autism diagnosis and a husband’s illness that all came to close together. The shame that she had allowed food to be her comfort and her way through it.

After that night she was determined to never let anyone see her that way again. Never again would she hide behind spandex. That night she was determined to get healthy for her family and so that no one would ever see her that way again.

Over the course of the next 3 years she ate healthy, walked, worked out and took loosing weight very seriously. She dropped 75 pds and felt better than ever. She was healthy and strong or so she thought.

You see she didn’t start with healing her heart. She didn’t know that not taking care of what was going on inside would eventually catch up with her on the outside. She didn’t see that the old habits were slipping back in, because the pain and loss of her father, best friend, great aunt and beloved grandma in a year were to much to bare. The food became a comfort again. Rather than deal with the pain inside she dealt with the pain by the chips in the cupboard, handfuls of trail mix or the granola bar that was supposed to be healthy. It didn’t click until 20 pds creeped back on like a thief in the night.

That woman is me. Rather than deal with the pain it was easier to eat it away. Easier to deny the feelings and hide them with food. We need food to live but to be healthy and whole we need to heal the heart.

What is going on in your heart right now? I’m not talking about the physical shape of your heart (this is very important too) but the emotional state of your heart. How are you feeling on the inside? What is holding you back from being happy and healthy? Are you holding in anger, fear, hurt, pain, shame, etc? In order to truly get healthy I believe we need to start with the heart.

Proverbs 17:22 says “a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength”. We have to heal the brokenness inside of us in order to be healthy. This isn’t going to be a quick fix. It’s going to take time and patience. Maybe it will mean forgiving and letting something go that you have held onto for far too long. Perhaps it’s something that you did that has left you feeling guilty and full of shame. It could be years of comparing yourselves to others and never feeling good enough. Whatever it is, it’s time to start healing the heart, to start letting it go and letting God heal you.

The healing process will be different for everyone. Each of us was created uniquely and therefore will heal differently. Don’t allow yourself to fall into a comparison trap. Dig into scripture and ask God to show you where your healing needs to begin. If it all feels like to much at times find a trusted friend or a good counselor to help you sort out the feelings inside. There is no shame in asking for help. Asking for help in the healing only helps you get stronger!

As the heart begins to heal so will the rest of your body. So let your journey begin to truly getting healthy and whole by healing your heart!

Blessings, Michelle

A Challenge To Rest

I originally wrote this post on Feb 1st of 2016.

REST a four letter word that can be so elusive. A word that too many can rank right up there with some of the worst words out there. Who would have thought that a word as simple as rest could bring up so many emotions.

As I sit here drinking my cup of tea I think about rest. Our son is all tucked in for the night so that he can rest before he starts a new week full of school, boy scouts and whatever else happens to pop up along the way. (Seeing the movie Kung Foo Panda 3 is a top priority on his list). My husband and daughter are gone to Winter Jam (3 hours away) so there won’t be much rest for them before the new week begins. So I sit quietly drinking my tea listening to the whir of the dryer and ponder why we avoid rest.

Rest is so important to our bodies and our health yet it is one of the things that we try so hard to avoid. It’s like if we stop to rest we are missing out. If we stop just long enough to rest we might just have to feel and not be able to run. If we stop to rest we might just get the much needed sleep our bodies are screaming for, warning us that if we don’t then our bodies are going to stop us so that we have to REST. According to Genesis God even rested on the 7th day so obviously rest is important. Yet we avoid it.

So why do we not take time to rest. Why do we not find the importance to even carve out 15-30 mins a day for rest and I mean real REST! The argument of well I did rest, I watched TV, I surfed Facebook and I even pinned “how to simplify your life projects” and pinned some “feel better prayers” so I rested. This is not real rest. While it may feel like rest we are still making our minds go, still demanding our brains to think, still planning things that cause us to rush around even more.

Real REST is taking the time to sit quietly and allow our minds to take a break. It’s letting ourselves stop and listen. To hear what God is trying to tell us. To hear what our bodies are trying to tell us and maybe, just maybe if we stop and Rest we might just hear what are families are trying to tell us.

God designed us to be able to go but he also designed us for rest. He built our bodies to be able to refresh themselves every night. However, if we don’t allow our bodies to get the REST that they need, then they can not function properly and that’s when sickness and disease sneak in.

So often the world tells us to keep going, schedule more, get the kids involved in more, keep going and do more if you ever want to be more. But in reality all this does is make us tired and weary. In Psalm 22:2 it says: “My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest”. We so often cry out and feel like no one hears us, yet God hears us and is telling us to simply REST. He wants us to stop and just take a breath, breath in the moment, breath in his REST.

There is a wonderful passage that shows us what rest is all about. It reminds me of a line that sounds like it should be in a child’s bedtime story…..Proverbs 24:33 “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest”.

This week let’s carve out some time to rest. Schedule 15-20 mins a day to just sit and rest. Turn off the electronics and simply REST. If this means spending some quiet time with the Lord in prayer great. If it means you cuddle up and take a nap, great! Whatever it means to you, please take the time to REST. Your body needs it and your soul needs it! God designed you to take time to rest, so simply enjoy some rest. 

 Blessings, Michelle