The other night I couldn't sleep. It had been a busy week and I was just feeling a bit restless. Everyone else in the house was already in a nice REM cycle and I sat in my chair listening to the cat snore (as I write this he is sitting on the back of my chair snoring again. Seriously). My body was hollering at me that it was done for the day by my mind fought back. If I am honest I was feeling frustrated with myself.
I decided to catch up on my Lenten devo. I had been listening to one that I had gotten behind in and I thought maybe that would help get me reconnected with God and maybe get some answers to why my restlessness and anxiety. That's when the title to this post came about. The title for that day was called What's your thing? It was discussing the various things that people give up for lent. I have done this over the years but this year I felt God calling me to just dig deeper into him. As I listened to the devo I felt more anxiety rise up because it started talking about things that we have failed at.
I don't like talking about failure because I feel like I fail all the time! It is one of my insecurities that goes right along with not feeling good enough. I would much rather stuff these feelings and just make them go away. However, God had other plans for me with this particular devo.
One of the challenges was to list a time you had failed and how it made you feel. So I got out my pen and paper and started writing. What I realized was that there was not one big event that I felt I failed at but several little events that weighed heavy on my heart. They were the day to day things that maybe I had forgotten to do and that had upset someone temporarily. There were other things I listed but as I wrote things down I realized that these things were "weighing" me down. I was harboring so much emotional "weight" that this was stopping me from being the best me that I can be.
I talk all the time that if we want to be healthy and whole we have to dig into what's going on with our heart. I think this goes for our minds as well. What we think can hurt us just as much as not taking care of our bodies physically. While I was blaming my frustration on my physical body, God showed me that what was going on inside of me emotionally was truly "weighing" me down.
This week I encourage you to dig in and let go of the things that you feel you have failed at. Allow God to use the things that you have failed at to transform you. Allow him to get in and clean out the clutter inside so that you can be healthy and whole. I am a work in progress. God working things out in me will be an ongoing process but I am looking forward to letting the "weight" go!
Hugs,
Michele