Just a few months ago I was sitting in a very comfy chair in my counselor’s office crying about how overwhelmed and lost I felt. Lost because at 41 I thought I knew what God wanted for my life but feeling stuck on how to make it all happen. Overwhelmed because I was working a job that had me commuting two hours on the road everyday, I didn’t love it. Did I mention it was keeping me from the people I love and all the things I love to do. Crying because somewhere along the line I had stuffed emotions and feelings of grief for far too long and they were surfacing fast and furious.
As I blubbered on she kindly handed me the box of tissues and asked me one very important question…….What does living intentional look like for me? Now if you know me this is my motto, part of who I am, part of what I encourage other people to think about. I am all about living life intentionally and running the race that God has set before us. However, somewhere along the line I went on auto-pilot. I got lost and started just simply trying to get through the days.
She encouraged me to think about this over the next few weeks till I met with her again. So I went home and started working on my assignment. Here is just a glimpse of a few of the things I wrote:
· Unplugging
· Not being stressed every time my phone dings (this stems from a very stressful job I had)
· Being adventurous again (yes I have been bungee jumping and you should see the list I have now of things I want to tackle)
· Not living in fear (yup grief can create a monster)
· More time outdoors camping, hiking, kayaking, supping, running, hammocking, etc
· Running more races and tackling trail running
· Watching more sunsets
· Campfires with family and friends
· Star gazing
· Exploring
· Sand between my toes whenever possible
· Serving family, friends and my community (add in some farm to table meals)
· Laughing more
· Loving others well
· Living well and helping others live well
· Drinking good tea and coffee
· Reading
· Playing games
· Being creative
· Doing God’s will
· Rocking in a rocking chair on my front porch
My list filled a page and then I stopped. Not because I ran out of things but because I was seeing the whole point of the exercise. I was longing for simplicity, for life to slow back down, to literally live with intention. To live my life exactly how God wanted me too.
Let’s fast forward to now. Right before everything with Covid-19 happened I went back to my counselor and read her my list. We started talking about how to make these things happen in my life again and how to start doing them a few at a time. How to chase after my dreams again and to live intentionally.
Due to Covid-19 I have been laid off from my job for a month now. I am not even sure that I will have a job when this is all said and done. While it has been an adjustment to be out of work, to have my husband go from full time to on-call status and to be suddenly homeschooling our youngest child, it has been an amazing blessing. Here is why I say that.
I had been desperately longing for simplicity, for a chance to slow down and live with intention again. To chase after the dreams that God has longingly placed on my heart. My prayers had been answered in a way I didn’t expect. God has given my the opportunity of time. Time to love on my family, to laugh, play games and enter into ridiculously silly antics online with some of my favorite small businesses (can we say sleeping bag twister and battle rope jump roping). This last month has given me a chance to be outside every single day! You guys seriously this is sooo good for my soul! Even in the snow and rain I have ventured out to breathe fresh air into my lungs. I have been able to encourage family, friends and people I barely know and this makes my heart sing.
This last month has given me a chance to dig into being closer with God and to focus on what really matters. It has allowed me to start chasing after the dreams that God has placed on my heart over the years. I don’t know what the future is going to hold but I am fully looking forward to embracing whatever God has in store next with total intention. Won’t you join me in this new season?
Blessings, Hugs and Love,
Michelle